No…I don’t feel gross. Never did.

A friend of mine posted this article about “Thin Privilege”, and I clicked the link, just reading my facebook feed like a dutiful friend/artist exhausted of coloring. It was a surprisingly good read, and it touched a part, deep down inside, that I’ve been ignoring.

I’ve been dealing with a lot of body issues lately. Not like you’d expect. Usually, when a girl loses weight, they’re just so excited to be skinnier and get new clothes and stuff. Which I have been. Excited to be down a jean size. Excited my clothes fit better…I have those feelings, but it’s not the only ones that are there. Becoming the skinnier me…it’s taken some getting used to.

Since I started losing weight, back in April, my eyes have been opened to a world of truths. So many people thought I hated myself and my body, and I didn’t realize how plentiful those people were who thought this. The judgement now, once I started shedding pounds, …they don’t feel like they have to hide it…to hide they were judging me as gross, lazy, slow, unhealthy…and so much more.

When I posted my progress (closing in on 40 pounds less now – Thanks, MyFitnessPal and Charles for keeping me company on my journey), there was a surprising amount of people who came out of the woodwork, assuming I hated how I looked before. I have gotten questions like “Don’t you feel less gross now?” or “I bet you get less tired going up stairs, right?” or “Doesn’t eating healthy just feel better?” or “I thought you were gonna have a heart attack.”

Now I KNOW that several of the people who have said these things are chock-full of love and such, but it hurt. These people I care about, and who care about me, thought I was living in this shameful bubble of self-loathing, but I was never that girl. Underneath all my flubber and jiggly bits, I am relatively healthy. I have a thyroid issue, but I don’t hide behind it, as I know I eat horribly and I don’t exercise. But down 30+ pounds I STILL EAT HORRIBLY…I just eat less…and I still barely exercise.

I was talking to a friend just a day or two ago about fat-shaming and how it affected her life. She’s slimmer than me, even at my current weight, and far more active. She had these friends, an elderly couple from Syria, who she would visit and take shopping and the like. But each time, the woman would look her over and point out stuff like “You look less like a cow today than yesterday”…and she finally had it “up to here” and severed ties. The woman followed her as she left, but my friend was done. Done being judged. Done having her flaws pointed out to her.

It’s not like we don’t know we don’t conform to the standard of beauty, but she’s one of the most beautiful people I’ve had the pleasure of knowing. She’s kind and thoughtful. Her smile and laugh could light up a room, and she has a way of making you feel like you belong. She didn’t deserve the way she was treated.

It’s just…seriously fucked up. But I’m kind of glad it happened this way to me. It really opened my eyes.

The screwiest part of all of this is the fact I kind of miss fatter me. I’ve been big for a long time. I haven’t been not considered a ‘plus size’ since the sixth grade. I’ve always been comfortable with me, just as I am and as I was, haters be damned. But I knew that girl, for all the ‘flaws’. I know what stresses and life choices made me go from a bean pole to a curvy girl. But as I saw it, she was me. I lived my life to be happy, and this was the result, and I was and AM comfortable with that.

I started losing weight so I can improve my chances to have kids and those kids will have better health as a result of me taking better care of myself while they’re along for the ride. Not because I hated myself. Not for any of the reasons people assumed. Why no one assumed I would do something for someone other than myself is beyond me, but I guess we’re all conditioned to believe that we all hate ourselves and want desperately to be have that supermodel body.

I don’t plan on quitting the weight loss journey. I will get used to the new me. I will get to know this girl as I knew the one who was there in April. But know I love myself. I’m healthy. I’m motivated. I have goals. I don’t think I’m gross. I think I am fabulous. I am actually sort of vain. I check myself out in the mirror and say “how you doin?” channeling my best Matt Leblanc.

I think I shall end this rant here. I have vented sufficiently.

You can’t kill me…you can only make me stronger…unless you offer me cupcakes…full of poison. Then you’ll get me. I cannot resist cupcakes. Less I’m out of calories for the day.

-J.S.

 

 

November Time: NaNoWriMo + B-Day + Art!

November is off like a bullet already.

As I did last year, I am participating in National Novel Writing Month, (www.nanowrimo.org), and I had been preparing for this throughout October. This year I’m a planner. Last year, I was a “Pantser” as they call it…flying by the seat of my pants as I wrote. This story has a clear trajectory, and the word count is already up to 12,122 words (My TOTAL last year was around 17k) as of the end of last night. Got some work to focus on today, but I will definitely be squeezing in some words. My goal for yesterday was 6666 words to be on path to hit my goal of 50k before the end of the month. I’m mega-excited.

I’ll share an excerpt with you next blog. Maybe I’ll introduce the characters here. There’s quite a few.

GYM UPDATE: I’ve still been a slouch. I went to the gym on the 29th. Got my 30 minutes in and a little bit more, walking over a mile at 2.0mph. I have been active lately though, definitely getting walking in that isn’t necessarily at the gym. I mean, grocery shopping and lugging them up the stairs all in one trip like a pack mule should really count as a workout. Sweat more there than on the treadmill. QQ

Commissions are plentiful at the moment, but I hope to get even more on my plate on that front. I truly hope to develop this into a business that I can do from home when I finally pop out a couple younglings, so getting a full head of steam behind this has been a major goal for me.

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MY BIRTHDAY WAS AMAZING! Slept in at the in-laws’ house before rolling outta bed to get cupcakes from SWEET! (The most awesomest cupcake bakery in Orlando) Charles’ present for me was in the car. Boy got me a new cellphone case (needed) and Sims 3: Dragon Valley (OMG WANTED). It was wrapped in the cutest bumblebee gift bag, with pink paper. He had the sweetest card. Charles and I had lunch at Graffiti Junktion, and we cruised back to our place for a while. I didn’t know why at the time, but it was waiting on a birthday gift delivery, which was apparently from his mom and dad. 🙂 I didn’t expect anything from them, for sure. It was super nice of them. Chuck and Mary got me Sims 3: Into the Future (SIM SIM SIMMY SIM SIM! – LOVING THIS XPACK) and this adorable Sailor Moon necklace, which actually was the exact same as I got my niece last year (who happens to have the same birthday as me!) We had dinner at Outback after I stopped over at Hobby Lobby for costume supplies, and Mary was nice enough to let me use her grown up sewing machine when I killed my tiny one. Good times were had by all.

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HALLOWEEN WAS AWESOME! My hubby let loose his inner artist, dressing up as the ever-inspiring Bob Ross, and I was his muse, the Happy Little Tree! I made my tree trunk dress myself. (Hence the sewing machine) I really don’t know a whole lot of much about sewing aside from minor repairs and what I learned in home ec in the 7th grade, but I am still feeling accomplished that I made it and it didn’t fall apart. There were only about 10 trick or treaters, which meant lots of leftover candy! (OMG not good for the exercising part of me…but my inner fat kid was in heaven!)

I’ll end today’s post with my latest illustration (fresh off the presses. I just drew it this morning). It was a prize for my instagram contest from October. They requested the cartoony character, so i drew him in the style presented as well as in my own. I just got this grey paper tablet. I think I’m in love. See ya next time! ❤

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Day 23: Has it really been a week???

Where does the time go? I can’t believe I’ve been blog-less for a full week. It feels like only yesterday I wrote my last post. I guess I got wrapped up in life and lost track of the time.

GYM UPDATE: I’m a lazy slouch. Hehe.
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No worries though! Tuesday, October 29th, will mark my official return to my Tuesday/Thursday/Sunday exercise schedule.  I’ve been fighting a cold, allergies, and a couple other things as of late, and I hate to say it, but I often found myself not having the time. Even as I write this, I got at least six other things going on that are needing my attention. But I wouldn’t forget my beloved Panda Squares readers. This journey with you guys has really helped me to stay on track as long as I did, and I hope your support will help me get back on it again.

It’s about that time of year again! National Novel Writer’s Month will be upon us on November 1st, which means it’s time for me to begin work on the 50,000 word novel challenge from NaNoWriMo.org – just like last year. Last year I fell short of my goal, reaching just over 17k words. I did all my writing as a “Pantser”, flying by the seat of my pants and writing whatever came to mind.

Not this year though! This year, I have been planning my novel for most of this month with a story that has been brewing in my mind for a while now. My characters are clearly defined, though some still need names. My current rough outline has me at over 20 chapters worth of story to be told. It’s gonna be a fantasy novel. I’m sure that’s no shocker to you guys, centering around about 5 characters. There’s a couple more characters I’ll have fleshed out, but they … well, you’ll see what happens. 🙂

I’ll be sharing bits and excerpts with you as I write, since my blog time will likely become novel-writing time, for the most part. I also plan to provide illustrations of the characters so you guys can see what I see while all this goes on. I hope it’s not going to be boring for you. At the very least, it should be at least as exciting as my current blogs: “I woke up. I worked on some drawings. I missed my workout. I saw a bouncy house.” 😛

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I’ll see you all tomorrow, with any luck. Probably from my cell. Taking Charles’ mum to a doctor’s appointment. I may be waiting a while. 🙂

 

Day 16 – Laaaaaaazy and Busy all at once…

My blogging has become more sporadic, but heck, it’s my wordpress, and I can blog when I want to…

I fell off the exercise wagon. I have only been to the gym proper once since my last blog about exercise. Life just got in the way. Not to say I didn’t exercise, but not focused. I did a lot of walking doing my grocery shopping, running errands, and attending events. I walked the show floor for several hours at the Home Show the first weekend of the month, and then I walked the Fall Festival in Hunter’s Creek. I also did some minor strength training with grocery bags on my stairs…now that will make a girl SWEAT!

I am going to return to the gym tomorrow morning and get myself back on track. I’ve actually made some tweaks to my food choices, including more fish, chicken, veggies, and fruit into my diet. I’ve actually lost five pounds since my last weigh in, which is really exciting seeing as I’ve missed the gym so much. I also have been drinking water most of the time, with the occasional glass of tea (just a touch of honey to sweeten it) or juice.

The Home Show I attended was fun at first, but got a little stressful later from pushy salespeople…but we did get to spend excellent QT (Quality Time) with the in-laws and we found someone to repair/replace our chipped windshield. We have a new windshield now, and it’s amaaaaazing. Haven’t had our first rain with it yet…I’m stupid nervous! I also found a foodie delight in Garlic Joy ( https://joyofgarlic.com/ ) – Their Garlic Spread and salsas and pasta sauces were delicious! They’re also located here in Florida, which is fun.

Now, the Fall Festival in Hunter’s Creek was interesting. I was invited by my friend Lauren of Inviting Hue (Her Etsy Shop: https://www.etsy.com/shop/InvitingHue – GO CHECK IT OUT!) since she was going to be showing off her beautiful and unique invitations and thank you cards at the event.

I’ve been to a few Fall festivals, but none since I arrived in Florida back in 2004. After attending this event, I realized that Florida doesn’t quite know what a Fall festival should be. I blame the lack of seasons, really. In the past, when I attended a Fall festival, it always had the following FALL things: Hayride, Fall-themed Decorative Items (dried indian corn, scarecrows, cornucopias and the like…), Fall themed baked goods (all those delicious autumn foods, like pumpkin roll, pumpkin pie, pumpkin gobs, nut roll, ….I could go on), Halloween Stuff, Thanksgiving Stuff, and more.

This event had Halloween and bouncy houses. It had games aimed at the kiddies and trick-or-treating. There were NO baked goods. Only vittles there were hot dogs/hamburgers from Publix, Snowcones (WTF FLORIDA! FALL FESTIVAL!), boy scout popcorn tins, and whatever candy you could forage (I got none…could not accept the trick-or-treat candy in good conscience without a costume). No pumpkin anything. No theme-y decor. It was an event pretty much strictly for the kiddies, so as a child-less grown up, I was at a loss. The whole place smelled of a mix of aromatherapy scents from this booth selling scented teddy bears, and I got pamphlets from the vendor for mammograms (Breast Cancer Awareness is important people. Go team pink!) which I was okay with, seeing as it’s October, but I also got one for Marital counseling and for Mental Health Rehabilitation. Someone tried to sell me services to repave my driveway, and the snowcone booth only took cash, which I had none of, cause cards are the future. Come on, snowcone place! Even I can take a card with my smartphone, just sayin. Get with it, man!

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The bouncy house selection was pretty sweet though. If I were a little kid there, I woulda lost my mind. I particularly loved the one pictured above. It’s a bouncy WAGON! It was cool, and it made me miss the hayrides less.

It was unnaturally hot for and October day, at least to me, so we visited Lauren, toured the booths, got rejected by the snowcone people for our lack of paper money, and then we bolted.

Anyone know of a good bakery where I can get pumpkin roll in Orlando?

 

 

WTF: Bullies Against Bullying

My mind is blown every time I see a bully or mean girl from my time in school post some anti-bullying stuff on Facebook.

One posts how she can’t believe her daughter would bully someone.  Another posted this story about two boys, a nerd and a jock, who became friends on the day the nerd haf intended to kill himself, and how we should all be nicer to the people around us.

I know many of them are remorseful, and several probably don’t realize or remember the havoc they brought on to people,  but the peeps on the receiving end didn’t forget.

I am anti-bullying. I was bullied hard as a child. And as a teenager. Probably still as an adult but now I don’t know or care what they say.

I remember,  in fifth grade,  and group of girls teamed up on me and tied  me up with jump rope.  The troop then proceeded to drag me around the playground, arms and legs dragging across the blacktop.

I remember how they would point and laugh at me fot my hair, my hand me down off brand clothes, or whatever excuse they made up to tease me for that day.

I remember when one of the mean girls complimented a shirt I wore,  and chatted me up like she was a nice person. She asked to borrow the top,  and I agreed. I went home and got it all washed up, and brought it into school for her. She and her friends surrounded me, and laughed and mocked me. She shouted “why would I EVER want to wear something of YOURS!” And they all proceeded to say how I was lice and flea infested and dirty.  “How stupid are you?”

In high school,  I had a girl threaten me with violence. She kept at it, saying how she would bring het friends along and they’d all kick my ass. One day she said “today.  After school.  In the parking lot.  We’re gonna kick your ass.”

I was tired of it, so I looked up from the basket I was weaving in art class and said “see you there.” I think she was surprised that I showed. And I was surprised by her lack of lackies.  But she was hell bent on fighting me for some reason I couldn’t fathom, so I gave her what she wanted. She fled with tail between her legs, shouting something about being on probation.

I was something of a scrapper coming up. I got into 3 fights at school:

First grade, with Kenny P*****. He looked like this was probably his third time bring in first grade. Big guy. Tall and lanky but he wasn’t wimpy lookin. I came in for the first day of class and Kenny got up in my face at the coat rack.

“That’s my hook!” He shouted. He was so tall I had to look up at him. “Move your stuff now!”

“I don’t see your name on it.” I replied coolly. “Just find another hook. My stuff is already here.”

“Move it now!” He screamed,  then he shoved me hard.  “Move it!”

I moved it. I moved my fist into his neck just as the teacher came in. I had two brothers,  and three sisters. No kid’s gonna try to force his will on me like that. I never started a fight. I just finished them.  Off we went to the principal. Kenny left me alone after that, and I used a different hook so he wouldn’t end up so upset again. It didn’t matter which hook I had.

Next – fifth grade.  This boy, Josh McL*******, had been bullying my little brother. Josh was in third, and Tyg in kindergarten. Again I say “kindergarten! ” Josh had his friends hold my bro down and they’d kick him,  usually focusing on *sensitive areas*. I came onto the bus, and Josh was leaning over the seat back in front of my lil brother,  and Tyg sat there, wiping tears ftom his eyes as Josh threatened and harassed him. I hurried over and hot in the seat next to Tyg.

“Leave him alone. Don’t you lat a hand on my brother or even think about picking on him again, or you’ll deal with me.”

Josh laughed,  “I’m not scared of you…” then he swung out, snatching my glasses from my face and throwing them to the front of the bus. He and his friends laughed.

I made use of my patented move and fist met throat again. Josh sunk in his seat.

“I mean it,  Josh…never again. You stay away from him.” The driver stepped back on the bus just as out exchange came to an end.

“Alright WWF, off the bus and to the principal.”

He left Tyg alone.

Last was the altercation in tenth vs. Probation girl, Angie O*****. I still have no idea what her issue with me was to this day. This one was more of a knockdown, drag out fight…except it was between a cat and mouse. She would land blows that didn’t hurt.  She started the fight, again witg my glasses,  so it was more of blind fight for me, but as I said, many siblings who were bigger and stronger.

I wonder if she really was on probation when she ran.

Hindsight says I could’ve handled these things differently. And it’s true.  And to Kenny,  Josh,  and Angie, I’m sorry for laying the smack down upon you, but your behavior and harassment left the younger me with no option that I could see then. I hope you’ve all grown bryond the pettiness and the hurtful things you did when you were younger.

I hope that for all these bullies. But don’t front like you’re a shining beacon of anti-bullying. It’s like trying to save face.  It’s bs and I’m not buying what you’re selling.   Maybe if ya got the stones to apologize to the people you hurt instead of hiding behind your societally pressured shame? Otherwise it just seems like an act.

I do hope your kids don’t treat people cruelly. I even understand putting on this show for their sake, but I intend to be upfront about my life to my kids. I hope the punishment I endured teaches them to be kind to others and to not deal with anyone who mistreats you. I hope the mistakes I’ve made teaches them to look for other options and to think before they act or speak. But I plan to be honest.

My second year at my new school (8th), I saw a few girls who always were sitting alone at lunch.  They sat alone but never sat with each other. I sat with my girls and there were six of us.

One day, probation girl and her pack circled around one of the girls. They called her names, told her she smelled and such. The girl looked to be on the verge of tears.

I pivoted from my normal lunch path and set down next to her. I told the girls to go away.  Surprisingly, they did (maybe this is why she got so mad she wanted to fight me. IDK) and each day I sat with Lori. I waved my friends over, and invited the other girl who sat alone all the time (who also got picked on a lot) yo join us too.

So then our six was eight. And it stayed eight for years to come. During lunch we were all together and safe. I loved my friends. I still hold these girls dear to my heart,  despite time, distance, and history has broken the airtight bonds we once had. I don’t know how I couldve survived without them. Megan, Wendy, Lori, Rashelle, Kristy,  Kristin,  Rana…I love you guys. Thank you for being there for me.

And to the bonus friends, those who joined us from time to  time – the Taylor Twins, my cousin Amanda (I miss you so much, every day. I’m tearing up now just thinking about you.), and the others. ..we had some good times. I miss you ladies too. I even miss Chris (despite our friendship getting a little rocky when you dated Kristy in high school buy I knew you just weren’t that into her and I didn’t want you to hurt her. Glad that you’re happy with Steven the lawyer. ;p).

Case in point – grown-up bullies need to own up and stop ignoring their behavior and use that as the lesson to their kids, not to do this “holier than thou” act condemning people for doing what you have done yourself so often. It’s hypocritical.

Put positivity and kindness out and one day it will return to you.

I forgive you, bullies and mean girls. I wish you happiness in your lives. I know I found happiness in mine.  And you all helped me become stronger and more confident as an adult.  So in the end,  I guess I should thank you…but an apology would go a long way.

Rant over.

Art Vote 5 – Got the Look?

VOTE UPDATE: NEW VOTE BEGINS, READ ON!

Our bard location has been determined.  She will be playing the harp at an outdoor festival for tips.

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#artvote5 – what about her look?

1. Is she polished, dressed in fine things? Neat, tidy, and sparkling?

2. Is she a traveling bard, a la #Gabrielle from #xena, in neat clothes that function, and not afraid to show a little midriff while kicking a little tail?

3.Is she just shy of being a beggar, in tattered clothes and messy hair, just trying to scrape by?

4. Or do you see something else? (Write in your vote!)

– this vote will close Friday at 11:59pm EST.

Once we get past this, we’ll have more image based votes and less storytelling votes, and it won’t be long before art commences with the choices you’ve made.

Join in on the conversation and this crowd-created artwork. Spread the word.  The more the merrier!!

~Panda

Day 36 + 37: In-laws and Art Therapy

The 4th was great. I eluded the hugging of my building (leasing office staff brings hugs and snacks) with the aid of my in-laws. Hugs and snacks sound and are nice…but I’m not a hugger and much less to people I see maybe once a month and mostly only to pay rent or complain there’s no paper product in the gym’s bathroom.
My rules on hugging:

If I have you in my phone you are on the acceptable hug list, however – coworker hugs must be earned (ie minimum of three months and several personal conversations. If I greet you as “friend” when I see you, hugs are ok). Family hugs are always welcome less I’m mad at you…which if I am, you will be aware. I glare and I don’t talk to you. If I’m not talking,  you may be in the doghouse. Leasing office staff doesn’t meet the criteria (Mapes IS moving up though.)

So Chuck (dad-in-law) picked me up since I can’t drive on my meds, hooked me up with McDonald’s sweet tea, and we rode across town toward the Stuard Homestead. We pit stopped at Michael’s for my new sketch book and paint brushes for my minis. Chuck is quite the art guy. I think an art jam needs to be had whilst listening to classic rock.  Good in-law bonding fun times will ensue! 🙂

We got to the house and we vegged on the couch and watched tv. It was a blast. I got cool in-laws. I got super lucky in that department. Luckier than Mary (mum-in-law) having scotchguarded the couch befor Livvie (her teeny tiny Yorkie) peed on it. And that was really lucky. Very nice couch. Lol.

We chatted about life and family and I got to learn more about them both. I also got out of the house and got in some good ol fashioned socializing which has helped my mood tremendously. Thank you both for an awesome day and for being awesome people.

Art I did yesterday;

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Art I did today:

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Sketching traditionally has been soooo good for rehab on my hand. Limbers it up. I haven’t had success digitally with my wacom but will be trying that soon. Hard to hold it and draw while I have the bum wrist.  But I got some of my mojo back, and I’m gaining speed. My detail work is still tough. Intricacy is something that will take more time,  along with steadiness.

Had a lovely lunch with the hubbs too. He was so helpful and attentive and so much more relaxed thab he’s been. I don’t think he actually is, but he out his a stress aside and we just talked. It was lovely.

I also planned a lunch art jam at the mall on Saturday with a friend from my mural group at Valencia. Very sweet girl from a large family. I’m really excited to catch up and geek out over art stuff while munching on food court fare. Gonna be fun.

How was your today?  Let me know in the commenta below.

*going to shop for a stand to hold my celly so I can make my mini painting videos. Got a samsung galaxy s3. Anyone use one?*

The Nightmare

These last few days have been filled with terrifying nightmares.  I understand it’s likely a side effect of my pain meds. They wake me up and leave me a mess.

Tonight’s was vivid and scary like mad.  Very apocalypse-y, lots of fire and brimstone. But it wasn’t as bad…

1. For some reason,  all the people I love most in the world: family, friends, coworkers, and classmates were all together.

2. I had great commanders to help lead peeps to safety. Mama, Joni, Chuck,  Hawkeye from The Avengers (I know he’s a superhero but, in the dream, he was totally my homeboy), Hempy, and Rubber Stucchi.

3. There was totally lots of cars which could transport the sick and the handicapped. And free wifi for planning purposes.

4. Everyone was calm, orderly, and everything went suprisingly smooth as we went to the nearest shelter.

Once we got to the shelter in Kissimmee, we were safe. I aat snuggled with my hubbs and our parents and siblings and all the rest, and we watched Orlando get swallowed whole on the news.

When I realized what happened TRULY was when I woke up – Orlando was sitting on a Hellmouth a la the mythical Sunnydale, CA. With all the sinkholes and the house of mouse. ..makes a crazy kind of sense.  Guess it’s the universe telling me I should move away from the attractions.

But tonight’s bad dream was not so bad. I got to see people I miss dreadfully and friends I love but barely ever if not never get to see face to face.

I just think now’s a good time to send send love to all my peeps and say how I miss everyone and I wish, if the world were about to get sucked into oblivion, I’d want to be with you guys, and inexplicably, Hawkeye. He can see really good and has strategies and junk. He’d be handy in the apocalypse.

Sorry about no day number in the title. It’s 6am … I’m half asleep and I didn’t take the time to look it up and do the math. :s

I may write about the others sometime to get them out of my head, but they were too real for me to process without getting emotional,  so I’ll save it for another time.

Going back to sleep now.

Day 22 + 23 – Surgery and Therapy

Yesterday was short. Collected commission payment, talked to my family, texted, and slept early. Had to rest up, because at 5:30 AM, it was surgery time.

I had a dream I was waking up. Each time I woke in the dream, it replayed, but in a slightly different fashion. Upon the end of the third repetition, I crawled out of bed. 4:30 AM. I figure my brain didn’t want me to be late. Got cleaned up, got dressed, got Charles up and ready, then we headed to the surgery center.

This was the first surgery I ever had. EVER. I have never been under anesthesia before. I was hungry and sleepy. People seem so confused when I ask how much procedures cost. We have an HSA with a high deductible, and I don’t want surprise bills. Scarily enough, the anesthesia peeps bill separately, and they didn’t know how much it was. Hopefully the bill isn’t too heavy, or I’ll need to sell many minis or commissions FAST. (Watch the blog here in case of fire sale.)

They got me back there, and I got to don the ever fashionable hospital gown + socks and skivvies. They did an injection to numb my left hand, then did the IV. I didn’t have any water, so I guess the numbing was to hide them digging for a vein. :s Once they got me set up, they let me see Charles before they put me under. I wasn’t fully under. The ‘twilight’-y feeling one. (No, I didn’t see sparkly vampires…woulda had to stake em.) I didn’t feel a thing, and shortly after they put in the meds I don’t remember much. Apparently a male nurse played the flirty humor in front of Charles, who was not amused. He then returned to the lobby. I don’t remember this.

I woke up to see my fella. I have this HUGE splint and ace bandage combo rockin on my right arm. I was slurring my speech apparently. (Charles described my slur as ‘faking drunk girl’ level. Abbe Abbe was dreadfully amused when I called to tell her I lived through the surgery,) They told me no lifting, no water (clean and dry, cover up with trash bag for shower or in case of rain), and to TYPE. Typing is good…they said they want me to wiggle my fingers often. SO I type. Yay blog

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What does this mean? Lots of typing in the next week, and it seems unlikely that I will go to the gym, since I get soaked to the bone every time I go. I like typing. When I stop typing, it starts aching. I got meds for it, but I want to use them sparingly. The liver issues I had WERE NOT fatty liver, and so I need to be aware of how much painkiller I take since it can reek havoc over your liver. Mine was from 3 months of migraines while I did QA and constantly medicating. I stopped, it normalized. Don’t wanna risk my liver. I can handle some pain, plus typing painkiller is more fun.

I am solo tomorrow so please…comment with questions, or silly things or whatever (not spam, all you random spam creepers. -.-‘) so i Have many minutes of therapy to work on. Otherwise, I’ll be working on last year’s NaNoWriMo project I never finished. 😛

Day 15 – Honeymoon Jelly

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What is Honeymoon Jelly, you might ask?

I was on the phone with Mama, and I said “Just making a sandwich with honeymoon jelly.”

There was almost an audible awkwardness when her side of the call went silent. I could practically hear her brain wrapping around the term I had just used, wondering what I meant.

We went to the Keys on our honeymoon, and we stopped at this awesome fruit stand in Florida City called Robert is Here. (That’s actually the name of the place. The owner is Robert, and he was there.) Amazing fruits of all kinds, local honey, and the most dynamite smoothies I ever had. While we were at his store, we bought Ginger Honey, Honeycomb, Tupelo Honey, some sapodilla, pineapple, mangoes, and a jar of strawberry preserves. The jar of preserves was the “Honeymoon Jelly” and is some of the best strawberry preserves I’ve ever had.

Once I relayed the tale of the preserves, she resumed normal conversations. Makes me wonder what she thought I meant…

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My today was super mellow. My surgery postponed til next Thursday morning, at the butt crack of dawn. I need to be at the surgery center at 5:30 AM, then surgery begins at 6:30 AM. I tried to get later, but they just fill the slots from earliest to latest. You don’t really get to choose. The postponing of the surgery worked out for the best though, cause today was a bad art day, or a bad thinking day for that matter. My sentences were …odd all day, and every time I tried to draw something, it was nothing like what was in my mind, and I’d end up erasing it all.  Bad art days happen, but man, if that surgery were tomorrow…I woulda been in the weeds, for sure.

Ate lunch with the fella, then relaxed at home. Had a big thunderstorm. One lightning strike was super close to my apartment, and I actually felt my hair on my arm stand on end. Freaky stuff!

Got the gym tomorrow, then hopefully some art will happen. Wish me luck! I’ll leave you with a fun Sims Supernatural Screenshot of my nobleman being playfully pestered by my red fairy.
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